On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were organizing four boxes of tree decorations, dividing them between us as she wanted to set up her own Christmas tree. This task brought back memories of past losses and grief for children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over the years, our family grew and shrank with 23 foster children coming in and out of our lives. Many placements were temporary, and amidst fostering, our two children became part of our family through adoption. Sorting through the ornaments, I was surprised to see that Kit remembered the stories behind each handmade decoration, even those crafted by people she had never met. It became clear that her holiday recollections differed from mine.
As I uncovered a tree topper given to my husband and me on our first Christmas together as newlyweds, the cracks on the fragile angel ornament mirrored the fractures in our marriage. Despite the delicate state of the angel, I offered it to Kit, questioning if she wanted it. Her eyes sparkled with joy as she gladly accepted it, reminiscing about how she always wanted to be the one to place the angel atop the tree.
Opening another box revealed a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament made by an eight-year-old boy we had fostered. The ornament, a product of a foster family Christmas party, stirred up emotions of sadness and frustration as memories of the boy’s departure lingered. Despite not being able to see him again, we hoped he knew of our enduring love for him.
Sensing my emotions, Kit took the Santa decoration from me, recalling how I always placed it within her reach at the bottom of the tree so she could play with it. She admired the ornament’s details, including the flames at the back of the sleigh, resembling those in a movie she loved.
Creating inclusive holiday traditions for our foster children was a priority for us and our extended family. We adjusted our Christmas dinner dates to accommodate their family visits, ensuring they felt included in our festivities. A practice of gifting unique ornaments to each child was established, giving them the choice to keep it as a memento of our time together.
Finding a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and quirky materials, I remembered my son’s playful nickname for it. Reflecting on past divisions during a previous separation, I realized the impact of shared ornaments on our family dynamics.
As Kit held the Rudolph ornament, she shared her fondness for its consistency on our Christmas trees, regardless of where we celebrated. Her insights on resilience and continuity from our past experiences brought a new perspective to our decorating ritual. Embracing the promise of a different tree-decorating experience this year, I look forward to witnessing my daughter’s joyful interpretation of our holiday traditions.